Becoming a Godly Wife

I was a single mom for nearly two decades, and it was during that same season that I became a Christian. Most of those years, I longed for marriage. I truly believed that if I married a Christian man and I was a Christian woman, we’d have an amazing marriage and life would be great. So, I set out to find a husband—even though, if I’m honest, I wasn’t anywhere near ready to be a godly wife.

During that time, I was part of a small group at church filled mostly with married couples. We studied a lot of marriage books, and in the moment it felt cruel. There I was—single, aching for what they had—trying to engage in discussions about something I didn’t have. But looking back now, I can see God’s kindness in it. All those studies, those late-night prayers, those tears—they were part of my preparation.

My husband often tells me how grateful he is that I did the inner work of learning what it means to be a godly wife, because now he reaps the benefits. But even after all those years of reading, praying, and preparing, I’m still learning. Because studying marriage and living marriage are two very different things. And even as a licensed mental health counselor, I’m not always great at practicing what I know. I can talk about emotional regulation all day long and then find myself snapping in frustration ten minutes later. I suppose that just makes me human.

 When the Bible Holds Up a Mirror

Lately, I’ve been reading through Proverbs, and this morning two verses in chapter 21 stopped me cold:

“It’s better to live alone in an attic than with a contentious wife in a lovely home.” (Proverbs 21:9)

“It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.” (Proverbs 21:19)

Double ouch.

Full disclosure: I can be contentious, crabby, and complain. I know you can too. We all can. We’re all guilty of picking fights, being grumpy, and letting our emotions run the show. Yet there it is in black and white—God’s gentle (but firm) reminder that when that becomes our pattern, we become difficult to live with. And I never want my husband to reach a point where he thinks he’d be better off without me.

Reflection Prompt

Where in your life have you been asking God for something, but He seems to be asking you to grow first?

Closing Thought

Sometimes God’s preparation feels painful or slow, but He’s not punishing you—He’s forming you. Becoming a wife worth coming home to starts long before marriage ever begins.

If today’s reflection spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you in the comments or through my website. Let’s keep growing toward wholeness—together.